Drean Sequence #3

Posted: August 4, 2010 in dreams / fantasy

Some nights, when I awoke from my dreams, I would go to my mum and dad’s room and lie still in their bed, just to be near something familiar.  And at other times, mum would spray her perfume onto a tissue at my bedtime and I would clutch it tightly and smell her smell to comfort me.

This was when I was young; in recent years, the fear of going to sleep has been overwhelming; the fear of the nightmares coming back.  As always, I despised the way they just happened.  I could do nothing to control what my head focused on and what I visualised when I closed my eyes.  It came to the point where I wouldn’t want to shut my eyes.   Instead, I tried to force myself into staying awake and finding other things to do to stop me from venturing into the nightmares which I knew would find me.  The dreams would sleepwalk through my days with me, affecting my body physically and mentally, and I became ill and exhausted.

I would try to think on happy thoughts.  I would think of old school days, lawnmower and fresh grass days.  I would think of sitting watching Narnia with tea on laps in our warm house of red brick.

I would also try to recall the times my friends and I laid down with sleeping bags and sweets, sitting in front of the tiny TV to watch old movies, marvelling at the black and white kisses; hopes for our futures.

And I would think of log cabins with roaring fires, and the beauty I have seen, from the smallest to the greatest measure.  The times I had felt wanted and special, times I had felt real and totally me.

But these thoughts would lie restless; they would lie in my subconscious, for when I slept, a chorus of voices would override my dreams…

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